Parenting Tip: Making Repairs

Today we want to talk to you about making repairs with your children, what that means, when to do it and how to do it.

Sometimes we get a little frustrated with our kids. You're trying to get your baby down for a nap. It's been 45 minutes. The nap window is now over. Trying to get them to leave the park for the past half hour, you finally get them to the car and then they won't get into the car seat. You're a little firm getting their body into the car seat. And then you think later, “Oh, I was too rough”. Baby cries. They're upset. You're upset too. So a way to go back and talk about with your child is to make a repair.

And a perfect repair has three parts. First, you say what you did, “I was a little too rough with you when I put your body into the car seat”. Or, “I was too gruff with you when I told you no about having the cookie.”

Second, you apologize, “I'm so sorry I did that. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You don't deserve to be talked to like that.”

Third, you promise to do better next time, “I'm really going to try not to do that again.”

And what you're doing by doing this perfect repair is, A, you're assuaging your own guilt about it, and B, you're teaching your child how to clean up their backyard when they make a mistake. It's fine to make mistakes.

We all make mistakes. We don't expect you to be perfect, no one is. And it's a way to show them and model taking responsibility for when you mess up.